Death, dying, and finishing well...

Some of you know the situation with my father-in-law, James, E's dad. He has an aggressive brain cancer. He has had multiple surgeries and endured chemotherapy and radiation treatments. He got "cleared" by MD Anderson yesterday, the MRI showing no active tumor growth. There was much rejoicing and thanksgiving! "Praise God" was repeated over phone calls, through emails and text messages.

This morning, before we even had a chance to get things going around here, Elliott called with some different news. His mom had called and said his dad was seizing and they couldn't get it stop. They were going via EMS to the hospital and Elliott was going to meet them. Within a few calls and texts, I was on my way as well. This was an all too familiar scene, so similar to how everything began. If you don't know that story, you can read here.

The team of doctors at the hospital could not get the seizures to stop, so they had to put him into a medically induced type of coma. He was intubated. And still is. Tests were run, and then, the bottom line was drawn for us. He is dying. And likely, soon (a month or two, maybe less). Yesterday we had good news, today was so different. I can't say we weren't expecting it, I am a realist and I had known that for a long time, but I didn't expect it to sink in so deeply today.

As we sat in the waiting room, still sifting through the unknowns of the morning and feeling the pull of despair, I was thankful to be reminded to praise God, just like I had the day before. I was reminded of Job 2:10:

"Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?"

How could I have praised God yesterday and not done the same today? Did God cease being good? No, indeed He is showing His lovingkindnesses to us throughout this trial. God has used this time in our family to grow us into His likeness, drawing us nearer to Him, teaching us how to love more, serve more, sacrifice more, to His glory. God's goodness has been poured out so generously upon us, how could I not praise Him?

My mother-in-law is an amazing woman, a precious believer. Her first husband died in a terrible car accident when their children were 4yo and 2yo. The children miraculously survived and my father-in-law has loved them as his very own for over 40 years. During one of the times I walked with Joyce during a long hospitalization at MD Anderson we talked about how God does use everything for our good, shaping and molding us to be like Christ (Romans 8:28-29). Knowing this was for our good, we could reflect on the blessings of this trial through cancer. James was saved. There was time to say things that needed to be said, cancer gives the gift of time. There was no sudden, unexpected death to be shocked and stupefied by. We have had time to talk with James about God's goodness, His Sovereignty, His perfect will and plan. We have time to say "I love you" a thousand different times. Time for tight embraces and tears from recounting years of life lived, and moments shared. The blessings keep rising as we count them.

And now, we look to the future, to finishing well. God's plan for the coming weeks has not been revealed, so we will have to wait. But now we wait with a new perspective, the finish line is in sight for James. When I shared with the children tonight about what was going on all I could say was that PawPaw was really sick but we could be happy for him knowing that he was going to meet Jesus soon. I am hoping that we have more time, a part of me wants to give my last hug and not let go so quickly. Sometimes I am guilty of letting the finish line drop out of view, I get overwhelmed by the busy mundaneness of life and forget the goal.

It is hard to finish this post as it feels like the story is not over. I feel pulled to not borrow trouble from tomorrow, for God has still not yet revealed the day He will call James home, but my heart rejoices knowing where James is headed. Maybe the most appropriate way to end this post is to ask, do you know where you will go when you die? Is Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior? If He is not, can we chat? I'll make the coffee.