One step at a time...

I would have said "one day at a time", but my children can attest to the fact that I am woefully unaware of days right now. The last two weeks have been a blur, a fog, a vacuum of time. James died one week ago today in that small, dark hospital room in San Marcos, with Joyce and me by his side. The plans made, funeral had, family and friends come and gone. It is still surreal, not fully sinking in, but on the other hand very real. My days are jumbled, too many days of going to bed in the early morning of the next day have thrown off my usually dependable inner calendar, upset routines and lack of order compounding that issue. It seems like what happened a week ago happened yesterday, and ten years ago.

And yet, God has so graciously showered us with the love of His people, through offers to watch children, and meals delivered, cards received and bouquets of beautiful flowers that seem to light up the room joyfully. Right when I feel like I might fall apart, a child brings me a new drawing and reminds me that God loves me and that He has a perfect plan. Just as I feel like I might be getting on track, a child floods a bathroom with a plunger. And in the midst, God is graciously leading us, teaching us patience with one another and showing us how to love our children through their childish moments. Losing James has taught us to value life and the moments we have differently. It is something we "knew" but now we really know, the frailty of life is no longer theoretical, it is more real now.

Tomorrow we resume art class, until five minutes ago I had no idea what to teach. Because of Google I will seem well prepared. Saturday we have a garage sale at my mom's house, the days keep ticking away, a sense of normalcy returning one step at a time. God's grace is sufficient for each moment, one step at a time.