Even when I don't know...

There are those times in life when you seek out an answer and come out only with a question mark. I am there right now. I have been there for the last 10 days or so. At first, I battled with my thoughts, trying to remind myself that the Word of God says "do not borrow trouble from tomorrow for today has enough troubles of its own" (Matthew 6:34). As well, in countless places throughout Scripture I am reminded "Do not fear."

I felt like I was swinging away at every dark thought, all the worst-case-scenarios running through my mind, and as soon as one was knocked out, another came charging in behind it. Parenting was tough, being gentle seemed impossible. I was finding it very difficult to switch from "battle-mentality" to a "soft answer" at a moment's notice, but I knew I needed to so I could walk in obedience to the Lord.

The more I battled thoughts, the less I slept, and the grouchier I got (making being a gentle mommy harder and harder). Then, by the mere grace of God and the encouragement of some wonderful sisters-in-Christ, I was able to change my thinking entirely.

I sat down with journal and poured out all the things on my heart, the concerns, the issues, the situations... then the Lord began bringing to mind all the times I have faced trials and all the times He has been faithful to use each and every situation for my good and His glory. Immediately, I began recounting the numerous ways that the Lord has been faithful to me and to my family... my hand tired far before the list was exhausted.

As soon as I closed my little journal, an unmistakable and incredible joy washed over me. I actually felt refreshed knowing that even when I don't know what to expect or when something takes me by surprise, I can completely and fully trust knowing that the One who created me is not surprised. I can trust Him to do all things well, that even through the trials His purposes are good for me, that through them I might be conformed to the image of His Son, my Lord, Jesus Christ.

And tomorrow, I hopefully will know, my question mark will hopefully turn into a period... but regardless of the outcome, I do know my trust is in the Lord and His purposes are for my good and His glory! I can be thankful, that even when I don't know, I know the One who does!