Ordering my days...

The last few weeks we have lived in survival mode. Organization and planning has been a last priority, just making do has reigned. So, today after being with the Church, I sat down to work on restoring order... starting with my menu. Next is school work, I haven't checked it in three weeks... I think I will need coffee for that endeavor!

Off to the pumpkin patch...

After a late morning snack, we trudged out to the local Methodist Church Pumpkin Patch and grabbed a few Fall inspired photos... with twenty of our closest friends... Here is what we came away with:

A cozy group shot...

Almost 11, she has these photo shoots down...

A natural looking photo didn't come naturally, but I was thankful when it finally came...

First one to be photographed, she set the bar high...

Sweet smile...

You get eyes when this one doesn't smile...

But if you want a smile, you get no eyes...

He knows he is cute...

I am so cute it is scary...

One last photo before we pile into the car...

And now, we can check the "Pumpkin Patch Pictures" off the list... Yea!

For everything there is a season...

For everything there is a season, 
and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a

That sums up my last 11 days. Two dark hospital rooms. Two different seasons. A week and a half ago I held my father-in-law's hand as he drew his last breath. Tonight I stood by and cheered as my dear sister-in-Christ's newborn infant wailed her first precious cry. And God's Word rang in my thoughts, the seasons of life so aptly displayed. I stand in awe of the Creator and the mighty works of His hand!

One step at a time...

I would have said "one day at a time", but my children can attest to the fact that I am woefully unaware of days right now. The last two weeks have been a blur, a fog, a vacuum of time. James died one week ago today in that small, dark hospital room in San Marcos, with Joyce and me by his side. The plans made, funeral had, family and friends come and gone. It is still surreal, not fully sinking in, but on the other hand very real. My days are jumbled, too many days of going to bed in the early morning of the next day have thrown off my usually dependable inner calendar, upset routines and lack of order compounding that issue. It seems like what happened a week ago happened yesterday, and ten years ago.

And yet, God has so graciously showered us with the love of His people, through offers to watch children, and meals delivered, cards received and bouquets of beautiful flowers that seem to light up the room joyfully. Right when I feel like I might fall apart, a child brings me a new drawing and reminds me that God loves me and that He has a perfect plan. Just as I feel like I might be getting on track, a child floods a bathroom with a plunger. And in the midst, God is graciously leading us, teaching us patience with one another and showing us how to love our children through their childish moments. Losing James has taught us to value life and the moments we have differently. It is something we "knew" but now we really know, the frailty of life is no longer theoretical, it is more real now.

Tomorrow we resume art class, until five minutes ago I had no idea what to teach. Because of Google I will seem well prepared. Saturday we have a garage sale at my mom's house, the days keep ticking away, a sense of normalcy returning one step at a time. God's grace is sufficient for each moment, one step at a time.

Proclaiming the Gospel...

James' funeral was today and Elliott was blessed with the chance to share about his dad, and took the opportunity to share the Gospel with all those in attendance. Thank you to all that were covering this morning in prayer, Elliott was bold and courageous, the kids were a blessing to many cheerfully serving and encouraging family and friends with their antics. Below is what Elliott shared:

Thank you all for joining us this morning to celebrate the life of my dad.  I have often heard of funerals being called celebrations but didn’t fully understand what that meant until recently.  I would like to share just one story with you today.  

 During a visit with my dad in August, I asked him how he was feeling and he said “lousy”. I told him I understood, it’s no fun to have little to no control over your entire body and be totally dependent on someone else to care for you, but what a beautiful picture of Jesus that is.  I asked dad if he would mind if I shared the need for Jesus with each of you attending today and he said “yes, I think you should”.

A verse that many of us know by heart is Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” We say this to each other during times just like these, as well as when things just don’t seem to be going our way. For a long time, I thought that the “good” that is being spoken of here was something I would like. But when we keep reading this passage, we learn about what God Himself calls good, Romans 8:29 – “For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren.”

Some might ask how dad getting cancer at the young age of 70 is good, and while we may never know for sure, let me share with you why I feel like God allowed for my dad to develop brain cancer.

Dad was always involved in the community.  He loved volunteering, announcing, officiating sporting events, driving school buses, singing in the choir, church council, you name it, dad loved serving others.  However, the Bible teaches us that good works do not make us a Christian nor will they allow us to enter heaven. 

Martin Luther explains it this way:

The first and chief article is this: Jesus Christ, our God and Lord, died for our sins and was raised again for our justification (Romans 3:24-25). He alone is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world (John 1:29), and God has laid on Him the iniquity of us all (Isaiah 53:6). All have sinned and are justified freely, without their own works and merits, by His grace, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, in His blood (Romans 3:23-25). This is necessary to believe. This cannot be otherwise acquired or grasped by any work, law, or merit. Therefore, it is clear and certain that this faith alone justifies us...Nothing of this article can be yielded or surrendered, even though heaven and earth and everything else falls (Mark 13:31).

I believe that dad understood this, but didn’t believe it in his heart until that morning in March of last year. Let me explain by reading from my wife Denise’s blog dated July 7, 2011:

I have always gotten a kick out of my father-in-law. He is a retired principle, standing 6'6" with a booming bass voice, I always imagined how terrified I would have been of him had he ever been my elementary school principle. He was such a beloved principle, some of his students still keep in touch with him today, some 30 years later.

James and I have always been good about teasing each other. He always shares recipes with me that he thinks would be "interesting" and he still insists I should have named Hannah, "Zelda Nadine", so he calls her that from time to time. We love talking about a myriad of subjects, but I think he purposefully picked topics that "get me going" just to see me get all riled up.

When James had a car accident in March and was in the ICU, we were blessed by many friends at church who made it possible for us to be at his side almost continually during the first few days of uncertainty. All we knew was he had driven into another car and then had a seizure. We were thankful to be there for Elliott's parents, to pray with them and run errands for food or whatever was needed.

The second night in the hospital, I had the opportunity to stay with him in his room, my mother-in-law needing some sleep after more than 36 hours of being on duty. I don't know what I expected, but I didn't plan for being awake the entire night. James was easily agitated, I would chat with him to try to calm him down. His sleep was fitful, so I prayed for him. At one point I thought to start reading the Bible to him. Elliott had left me with his iPad. I used it, in the dark hospital room, to read through the entire book of Psalms (skipping the imprecatory Psalms) and some of the New Testament. Every time I was reading, James would fall into a peaceful sleep.

Before the staff kicked me out at 6am, I told James I was going to leave and reminded him that his wife would be there soon. He started crying. I wasn't sure what was going on. We talked for a few minutes about how he was worried about what was going to happen to him. I reminded him of all the medical things we knew... the tests they had run, the things they had ruled out, what they were looking for next, etc... but he was still upset and restless. I asked him if he was afraid of something else. He said yes. I asked him if he was afraid of going to hell. He said yes.

I know that what happened next was from the Lord because I could not quote it or give a word for word account of what I said or what Bible verses I referenced. But I shared the Gospel. I spoke of how we are sinners, guilty before God. I spoke of what the punishment is that we deserve (hell) and God's unbelievable gift of Christ coming as a man, to live the life we live but perfect and without sin, how Christ was hung on a tree in our place, and His glorious triumph over the grave. James has been active in his local church his whole life, but he was lacking an assurance of his salvation. I shared with him how Elliott, even after saying the "sinner's prayer" in 1999 was just recently and mercifully saved, when he called upon Jesus as LORD in August 2008.

For two days everyone had been praying for him, and over him, and with him. I asked James if he wanted to pray. I told him this was something no one else could do for him. And so, he prayed for himself. I could tell James was repentant, I have been married to Elliott for 11 years and can't remember another time I have seen his dad tear up, much less cry. He prayed and afterwards he was much more calm, a weight had been lifted off.

Over the last couple of months it has been precious to see him cherish things which never seemed to impact him before. He has been reading selections during church services for years but recently has been emotionally overwhelmed as he reads them, marveling at all God has done for him. He gives me the tightest hugs now, I feel my back pop. And we talk of the eternal now, of God's Sovereignty and His perfect care for us.

This is why I believe God allowed this cancer to touch dad.  This cancer was no surprise to our omnipotent God. In the months after dad was released from the hospital, I saw such a joy in him that I had never seen before.  He was truly modeling the fruits of the spirit described in Galatians 5, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Despite all of the medications he was on, with many of them stating the side effects as anger, aggression, etc, dad never once complained about his cancer.  He never got angry.  

 In fact, in these past 18 months the conversations that I have had with dad were more meaningful than any other before.  He even asked Denise to be his personal barber, giving him regular haircuts and shaving.  Now that is certainly showing gentleness!

Our family’s prayer and hope for each of you today, is that if you do not know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior that you would hear the words of Romans 10:9-13 and know “that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. For the Scripture says, ‘Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.’ For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches for all who call on Him; for ‘Whoever will call on the name of the LORD will be saved.’”

When the prodigal comes home...

The blog has been silent this week, though I had planned to post a series of blogs on the joy of the Lord. And as man plans his steps, I recognize that is it God who truly directs our paths. This week, the Lord saw fit to take my father-in-law, James, home. He passed away quietly in the middle of the night, in the moments welcoming Thursday to begin, James took his last breath with his wife of 40 years and myself at his side.

These last few days have been so full, rejoicing and experiencing grief, planning and making calls, changing schedules and be touched by the love of sisters and brothers in Christ. Tonight was the viewing, where at least a hundred people came to reminisce and share their condolences. I know it was a comfort to my mother-in-law and the whole family to see the stream of people who were touched by the life of James.

And then he walked in. The prodigal. Elliott's brother who has been in and out of prison and jail and out of touch for most of the last twenty years. He never came and saw his dad while he was sick, even though he knew. He and James did exchange letters once during this whole ordeal, an extension of forgiveness. No one had called him, but he was there.

The moment he was spotted, the family flocked to him. Hugs from all sides, hearty handshakes, and welcoming, thankful comments as he was reacquainted with family he hasn't seen in decades. It was beautiful to behold, knowing that God's love shown through His people can turn a heart of stone into a heart of flesh, a picture of the forgiveness of Christ clearly demonstrated.

Tomorrow is the funeral, Aaron says he is coming. We are already praying, as Elliott is sharing the Gospel as a part of the eulogy. We know that God saves people through the hearing of His Word, what a more blessed thing I cannot imagine, but to see James' firstborn son come to a saving knowledge of the truth and love of the Lord Jesus Christ. What a wonder it would be indeed!

Just before the storm...

We have endured a tough morning. Room chores which should ideally take 15 minutes took nearly 3 hours. Morning chores which should be simple and short, were long and drawn out. There was no breakfast due to the dawdling, and lunch was late. Micah fell asleep on the living room floor, tired of waiting.

As lunch concluded, I informed the children that we were going to start with our morning schedule (which means school). They didn't audibly moan but one could easily tell they had other things on their minds. And then the dogs howled, they wanted out to play.

So, as the stragglers finished their grapes, those who had finished eating we ushered out. I thought the sky looked dark... and was that the A/C kicking on or a rumble of thunder in the distance? As the fat rain drops came pelting down and the excited squeals were tumbling out of the children, I thought of God's mercy, raining down new every morning... and even in the middle of the afternoon.

We are starting school six hours late, but by God's grace we are starting...
We are three loads behind where we ought to be for laundry day, but the laundry was sorted without grumbling...
The rooms took three hours to clean, but they are clean indeed...
My coffee has been cold from the first sip (because I misplaced it), but it is still a sweet reminder to "Count it all joy"...